I am having a baby

I am having another baby but the trauma that I have been through from my first labour still playing on my mind. And not forgetting the slit of the perineum that made a no-words-could-describe the most painful episiotomy wound! InsyAllah I will be having a natural birth again, this time. Hopefully the breathing exercises that I learnt from youtube works! it better be! For my yet to born baby, please help mama ease the pain..

I will do it for the baby, for Mysarrah, for my husband, for our family. And me, I am counting days.. when is the day will come. I don't care about the people who excited to see the baby. I am afraid of having to feel the contractions, the pain .... again.. Ya Allah, please be with me... salaamukaulam mirrabbirrahiim..