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Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Secrets of HAPPILY EVER AFTER
We are more than well acquainted with the fairy tale ending of “happily ever after”. But when we crash back to harsh reality with things that burst the romance bubbles such as divorces and extra marital affairs, it makes one wonder if happily ever after is simply an urban legend much like the mythical creatures of the past. Is there any hope left for the hopeless romantics?
Anthropologist Helen Fisher, of Rutgers University in New Jersey, United States seems to think that there is, “We now have physiological evidence that romantic love can last. It now appears from this study that romantic love exist not only to initiate pair-bonding but to maintain and enhance long term relationships.”
The 2008 study led by Professor Fisher found that couples married for more than 20 years showed similar brain activity to lovers in the those of a new relationship, when shown pictures of their partners. The study used MRI scans to compare the brain activity of 17 married people aged between 40 and 65 who had been married for at least 2 decades, with those of a group of younger people who had been in relationships for less than 6 months.
Now that we have established that some couples do live happily ever after, we look into the SECRETS that go into making that possible. To have a complete fairytale ending is stuff for the storybooks because in real life, even best relationships meet some bumps along the way. It’s not realistic to expect a relationship that is without disagreements. Below are some great advices and tips from relationships experts in making HAPPILY EVER AFTER a reality.
Respect and Support Each Other
Couples and relationships experts agree that couples who stay in long-term relationships have a healthy respect for each other. Respecting your partner means being open and honest with them and being considerate of their needs, wants and feelings. It also means accepting their individuality. Remember, being a couple doesn’t mean you have to agree on everything, so have a positive attitude towards the phrase, “We agree to disagree”. Respecting each other means not wanting to change your partner into someone you want them to be. Supporting each other’s growth is also an important ingredient in a matured relationship. As you grow into the different phrases of your life together, it’s essential to be there to support each other’s new dreams and aspirations.
Have fun and make time for love
This might seem like a trivial tip to a happy relationship, but this is the easiest and most effective method to stay in love. If you ask a couple whose relationship had fallen apart to give their reason; 1 of the reasons cited most often is, “We just stopped having fun together.” That’s right, do not underestimate little treats like sweet notes pasted on a windscreen or fun activities like a simple picnic or walking hand-in-hand on the beach! Go on a trip or have a silly day out because positive feelings breed more positive ones. Making time to have fun is actually making a deposit into your love account. This will help you weather the storms or downtime in your relationship.
Is it you?
Dr. Gail Saltz, a psychiatrist with the New York Presbyterian Hospital says that sometimes the issue might not lie on the relationship at all, “Marital dissatisfaction often has its roots in personal unhappiness, which can be related to work, level of success, health or weight. Often, these personal shortcomings are blamed on the marriage. In fact, many couples that at one time chose to remain in unhappy marriages end up 5 years later - even though nothing in the marriage itself has changed.” So, if you can’t pin point the exact factor in your relationship that is making you miserable, then it’s time for you to take a step back to reflect if you are simply deflecting your dissatisfaction with other parts of your life into your relationship.
Leaving is not an option
Couples that make it are those that commit to it. There should be a strong bond and trust here that the both of you are in it for the long haul – for better or for worse.
When leaving is not an option, couples will learn to work round their issues and learn to trust each other more. Take leaving out of that equation and you could feel your love for each other grow. Having said that, t his is not to be taken to the other extreme – you are not supposed to take your partner for granted knowing the fact that they will never leave you! Instead, take it as a promise that you will love each each other and make things work.
The difference between long-term loves with new love is that long term love, the obsession, the mania and anxiety has been replaced with calm. Study also shown that people in long term relationships showed higher levels of activity in a part of the brain associated with calmness, suggesting that their passions had become more serene over the years.
That sounds like a happily ever after! Let’s try it.
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